Check this out

Okay - watched the funniest or saddest depending on your mood - but entertaining none-the-less. It's economy stuff with John Stewart. I found it on a blog I follow - so I'll give you the blog address:http://www.moneyandhappiness.com/blog/?p=162 The John Stewart/Daily Show video is there. Kind of long - but worth the watch....

Back to normal

We had a good weekend. Lots of "to dos" checked off the list, a dinner out with my husband, a fun afternoon with the girls.... I was a little cranky to start and Dan asked me why. I said I felt controlled lately - controlled by the girls' schedule, controlled by work, controlled by all the things needing to done around the house, controlled by my diet.....
He looked at me and said, "maybe you should be enjoying each moment more." I almost wet my pants laughing. He was right but how funny to have him point it out to me. It was just the reminder I needed - yet again.

I threw out all my larger pants today. Kind of fun - but scary too - that means I have to keep eating healthy..... It was a bad hive weekend, so I'm hoping the ceremonially tossing of the pants will keep me focused. :-)

It snowed, then it was sunny, it snowed again, then was sunny again - kind of a metaphor for life don't you think? (Is metaphor the right word? - You know what I mean!)

Well....

So the doctor now thinks that I'm under too much stress (who isn't?) and that the stress is stressing my kidneys which is stressing my liver which is causing an increase in my hives and skin sensitivity. He doesn't think I have a virus or any allergies - and he thinks my yeast levels are looking low. (He does all this with this machine and me holding something in my hand while he touches all the different pressure points.) I kind of had a feeling it was stress - it IS typical for hives to get worse when a person prone to them is under stress. BUT, it is also getting harder and harder to have faith that things are going to change.

I don't want to give up because I don't want to live with this for any longer than I already have. I also know that even though the hives aren't 100% better I feel so much better every where else. Like I've said before, I have more energy, my skin is better, overall just better. Sooo, for now I'll just keep plugging along and see what happens. I'm taking the new herbs for kidney and liver, sticking with my Threelac for yeast and staying on the healthy eating path.... I'm trying to be all organic now too, which I didn't start out with. It's hard because it isn't cheap, but I figure keeping any extra toxins out of my body can't hurt....Plus, my family if on board with most of it - so they are benefiting too.

Then I need to think about the stress part - I need to get back to meditating and finding some balance. It's tough worrying about money, taking care of your family, doing a good job at work, doing a good job with the things I volunteer for and then remembering to take time for me. Not that I'm not like 98% of women out there - how does everyone else find the balance? Is it just refusing to get stressed and doing it?

My friend Gretchen said to me yesterday, "I put it in perspective like this, if we all end up in a cramped apartment or trailer with out all the 'things' -we have our health and we have each other so what's the point in worrying." She's right and it's perspective of which I needed to be reminded. I forget that this stress is about "things." We have enough money to eat and clothe ourselves. We have enough to keep a roof over our heads. That's all we NEED. The wants will come again, I just hope when they do that I remember now and how much we really can live with out and still be perfectly happy.

On a less whiny note - today is pj day in my class -YAY! I'm wearing pj's and slippers, bringing a good book to read and sitting with my class and reading all morning! How can I complain? :-)

Dr. Tomorrow

I see the doctor tomorrow - we'll see what he says. Hives have been better the last couple days but I feel like crud - headache, runny nose, bad tummy.....

Everyone keeps telling me how skinny I look though - isn't it gross that that supersedes anything else for me?

Hives UGH!

Well, the hives are back and I'm, well, PISSED! They were never totally gone and I don't think they're as bad as they have been - but they are definitely worse than they have been in several weeks. I'm hoping our predicted warming trend will keep them from getting too horrendous.

I've been "cheating" a little bit - bites of sweet things here and there, not sure if that is it, or if the yeast is just fighting back with a vengeance. So, I'm back to hard core no cheating. It makes me cranky and I dream about eating boxes of girl scout cookies - literally, in my dreams I am eating girl scout cookies everywhere - I'm hiding in closets, eating them in my car, like a total bulimic binge. Maybe getting it out in my sleep will keep me faithful in my waking hours.

Heading to my friend Suzy's book signing in just a few minutes - so excited to see her basking(sp?) in the glow of her success. She's worked so hard! Then I get to impress my class next week when she comes for an author visit at our school - they think I'm pretty special knowing these authors. (so do I!)

Tonight it is our school's Spring Social - which I have to admit - I'm dreading. I don't do these things well and since I'm off of alcohol still, it could be even more difficult. I need to find a better attitude before I go! I'll work on that.....

Still longing for some "girl time" with my friends - seems like it's been too long and when we do get together it is too brief. I'll get some alone time in two weeks when I head to Boston, but it's not the same as laughing hysterically over nothing and bonding over things only female friends can bond over.....

Find time to be in the moment today - breath in, out, find your inner smile....

facebook or no facebook - that is the question

Okay- I did it. I started a facebook page. I'm not sure how I feel about it - especially since I received over 30 emails the first night. I've reconnected with people I haven't talked with in years! Found out about babies, new towns and living arrangements. I connected with relatives that I talk with but now wonder if we'll stay even more connected....

I discovered that you can instant chat with them right there on the page. It's convenient to do that and easier to sign off than it would be to hang up a phone when it's time to go - but showing my age, I have to say I don't understand why we don't just pick up the phone and talk....

The pictures are fun too - seeing people and their families - sharing my own photos. I have to ask myself though- do I really need to be spending even more time on the computer?

On other notes - glad to hear that my friend Kari does not have cancer, nor does my friend Amanda. I was worried about both, so glad to hear they are well.

I call the realtor today to decide on our asking price for the cabin - makes me sick to my stomach - but it has to be done.

My hives are back stronger than usual - soooo frustrating. I'm not giving up though and do believe they will go away. (I don't know when or how, but they WILL go away....)

I'm going to Boston in a few weeks to work a program for my brother's company - Corporate Kids Events. Looking forward to it - a little nervous about flying alone, I haven't been on a plane in a couple of years..... but I will bring a couple of good books and enjoy the time. Maybe I'll bring a notebook and actually do some writing. I haven't dedicated any time to that in a long, long while....

Eckhart Tolle's 10 steps to happiness

I was just reading this and thinking that with what everyone is going through right now, it might be a good time to read this and feel some happiness from the inside out.....

"Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it."

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering."

"See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind."

"Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment."

"Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering."

"People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time."

"The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again."

"Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily."

"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge."

"If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace."

Exerpted from Oneness with All Life by Eckhart Tolle. Copywright © 2008 by Eckhart Tolle

Grateful and Positive (or working at it anyway)

Well - life is constantly changing in this house. Currently, our cabin - our wonderful get away - is on the market. Reality is setting in and we need to be practical. I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity for a bigger and better cabin down the road - one we can retire to. It breaks my heart for Dan - that cabin was a dream come true for him - but it will happen again.

So we're staying put in this house - working on fixing the things we don't like and making it home. (about time - we've only lived here 8 years!)

I was talking to a friend today who said she's having a difficult time staying positive - I understand what she's saying, but still think it's so important to try to find the positives. The more negative we wallow in, the more negative we bring in. There are people worrying about their next meal - I'm just worried about a second home. We are incredibly lucky and just working to be smart so we can stay above water.

Went to the doctor today - things are still looking good with the hives. They are still around, which is very frustrating, but I'm feeling so good otherwise. I've lost 19 pounds - that of course feels wonderful - but I have energy and control over things - it feels good.

The girls are great - B won her first volleyball game of this season today and won the 8th grade science fair. K just finished her CRT's and is sure she "aced" them. :-) She was in a strings performance last night with her cello and "conditioning" with her team for the upcoming soccer season.

Keeping my fingers crossed that everyone around me - all the people we know and love - remain above water. The news is so depressing - maybe we should all just stop watching it.