Here we go!!

Two weekends left before the girls start school. One weekend left before I go back to work. I've basically already been back to work. Two days of training this last week, working in my classroom - the same old drill.

As usual, I'm excited about getting back into routine. Bailie made the tennis team, has all her classes, her locker, her student Id and is ready to roll. Kate has her schedule, figured out how to pen her locker, has all her supplies - including new uniforms - and is ready to roll. Now I just need to be ready. I'll get there - I just need to quit obsessing.

Our last doctor's appt for the summer is today for Kate. We've done all the other regular check-ups this summer and hopefully won't need to see any more doctors for a while.

Speaking of doctors - I took Bailie to an allergist this summer for this weird pollen/oral allergy thing she has. (She gets a rash in her mouth from certain fruits that are tied to a birch pollen allergy...) While there I started talking to the doc about my hives and they had some ideas.
So I made an appointment for myself and am currently hive free! I am taking A LOT of medication which doesn't thrill me, but time will tell if being hive free is worth the sort of druggy feeling I have. I'm functioning fine, I just don't like the dry nose, weird feelings of antihistamines.
However - I am hive free!!! I haven't been able to say that in over two years.

I've been doing Bikhram yoga - I went 6 times in 7 days but haven't been back the last two. I really liked it, but now life is getting in the way. Funny how that happens. :-)

I'm trying to get past the "panicky" feeling I have about working full time. I feel this desperate need to complete everything before school starts - like I won't have after school or weekends to get things done. I just need to breathe.... maybe I should stick with yoga.....

BLS (Buy Less Stuff)

I was just reading a blog I follow - Money and Happiness. She talked about how we need to buy less stuff. We've been living by that motto - that is until I found out I had my own classroom this year. I have felt justified in spending 100's of dollars on "stuff" for my classroom. I don't want students walking into a room with blank walls and no color! I have been somewhat frugal about things. I started my search at thrift stores and found some great deals - like a fabulous chair for my reading area for only $15.00! However, some things can only be found at the Teacher Aid Store which costs an arm and a leg! I'm sure if I had been more patient I would have been able to appeal to all the friends I teach with to share the things they've been collecting over the years but no longer use. But, as most of my friends and family know, patience is not one of MY virtues. So, was I justified in that spending? I'm not sure. I will save the receipts for taxes. My students will have a warm and welcoming room on the first day of school which research shows will improve their attitude toward learning - I'm molding the leaders of tomorrow right? This is important stuff! :-)
I'm slowing down now, balancing the check book brought me back to reality. I'm going to the websites that the Money and Happiness blogger suggested - like freecycle. (Have any of you ever used that?)
For everyday family expenses, I've been a little off track too. It's summer - it's difficult to not hemorrhage money. Trying to find activities that keep the kids happy etc. I know - Laura Ingalls managed to have fun on the prairie with out money - but this aint the prairie! We play cards, take bike rides, go to the library... we find inexpensive things to do but it isn't easy. I suppose it will have to get easier if we run out of money! :-( We make the girls pay for their own "extras" - like the Harry Potter t-shirts they HAD to have to wear to the midnight movie tonight. Oh yea, the midnight movie. Am I completely insane? I don't stay up past 9:00 most nights and tonight I will be waiting in line at 9:00 for a movie that starts at midnight!!
But, once again, I digress. The Money and Happiness blogger said that changing a brain to be frugal is like working out. I have to work that muscle -"Is this a need or a want?" until it becomes fit and a natural part of who I am. I'm trying - but again, my friends and family know that I suck at working out!
Sooooo, I guess it's good I'll be working full time to help pay for that classroom! (Does anyone else see the irony?)

Phew! Summer if flying by....

I say it every year. I know it's going to happen. Yet still, every year, I find myself in shock over the fact that summer is already half over! It certainly hasn't been slow or boring this year. I think I've only slept in one day. (That was until 8:30 - that's sleeping in for me!)

Bailie has had lots of tennis - she starts practicing with the high school team today - she's nervous and excited. She's been babysitting a lot too. She has her 4-H camp counselor job starting a week from Sunday and there have been several meetings and orientations to attend.

Kate's summer has been less eventful, but no less fun. She went to Ashland with my parents for over a week and I've been taking her to RockSport to feed her new rock climbing passion. We've been slowly looking for school uniform clothes - she's starting to see how much easier these uniforms will make her mornings. I can't believe my baby is going to be in middle school!

The girls and Dan are taking a trip to visit his mom this weekend. I'm taking that opportunity to try and get the bulk of my classroom finished so I can focus on planning for the rest of the summer. I leave for Chicago on the 22nd to work for Corporate Kids Events for 5 days. Then we go to the cabin for a week's vacation. Dan has big plans for that week - mine are to sit on the deck and watch the trees grow - we'll have to find a happy medium I guess. I'm sure we'll get hiking and kayaking in. Dan has horseback riding, fishing, swimming and many other things on his list.

The days flying by this summer are reminding me yet again about stopping and taking a breath. I start to feel so overwhelmed with all there is to do and how fast time is going . If I just stop and
breath - feel the moment - all that goes away. Yesterday I took the time to just watch B and K have a conversation. I realized how rarely I just stop and see how tall they've gotten, how mature they are now, how kind they can be to each other and the genuine love they feel, how beautiful they are inside and out. Of course then they saw me staring and started giving me a bad time so that was the end of that! :-)

Class of 2K9

Full time and all that

So I got the news last week that I will be teaching full time in the fall. YAY! I will desperately miss teaching with Katie Senn but fortunately I'll be just across the hall so we can just stretch the umbilical cord instead of cutting it completely. We may be back together next year depending on the budgets - we are only guaranteed this full time for this year. Next year we could be back to 1/2 time.

In the meantime, I have a classroom to prepare. It's been many years since I've had to fill my own classroom with decorations and supplies - so it's thrift store time! I'll be out looking for book shelves, posters, books etc. I gave all that away when I left teaching to stay home with the girls all those years ago. When I came back, I took over for another teacher who left all her supplies and then I taught with Katie who already had everything..... It's going to be fun though. Getting a classroom ready for the start of school is so exciting for me. That was one of the things I missed the most when I stopped teaching.

I have to be careful not to lose my summer in the excitement of preparing for the year. We still have 4th of July at the cabin and then our week's vacation there a couple weeks later. We're also going to North Star for a few days and I head to Chicago on July 23rd for a 4 days to work a program for Corporate Kids Events. I'm reading the Stone Diaries for book club and need to be sure to take the time to relax and read!

Our summer ends pretty early because of high school tennis for Bailie. Clearance day is August 6 and tryouts start the 17th....

I'm still busy being on the board of the Sierra School of Performing Arts. I love all the people I work with on that board. It's a great organization and I feel proud to be part of it.

I leave today to pick up Kate. She's been in Ashland, Ore with my parents having the time of her life. I'm sure it's going to be an adjustment being back to boring old home! :-) I've really missed her - can't wait to have back.

Soooo, I'm so relieved to be making full time pay this year - it will take some of the pressure off our finances. How lucky am I to be making money doing something I love so much? (Remind me I said that during CRT testing and the other stressful times during the school year. :-) )

Family Fun

We took my dad to and Ace's game last night. We really had a great time. They did a wonderful job with that stadium and make it a wonderful family activity. There are draw backs like parking and ticket prices but really a lot of fun. It was cold so I was hivey but the fun was worth it. They went into extra innings and won with a home run at the end. Then they had fireworks! Kate had a blast. My dad was impressed with the stadium - fun was had by all. Kate even caught a ball that came into the stands!

Today we work on covering the wall paper on our bathroom walls.... how's that for family fun?

So many celebrations, so little time :-)

So we started with Bailie's 8th grade award's night - great fun - Bailie earned several awards and she looked beautiful.

Next we had Kate's 6th grade celebration - which was also very nice. We got Kate to wear a dress! She was beautiful as always as well.

Last, but certainly not least, we had Dan's 50th birthday! We had a night alone at the cabin then my parents and the girls joined us the next day. We put together Dan's present - a pontoon boat - then played games, took a walk and just had a nice time.

We came home in time on Sunday to go to Dan's favorite restaurant- The Santa Fe.

We had the traditional wearing of the new underwear on the heads! (Started when the girls were toddlers.)

They were doing their "model" pose here - not pouting about wearing the underwear.

My parents have been here for all the craziness of end of school and the celebrations. It has been great that they could not only participate in all of it, but also help me keep it together. There was so much going on and I was trying to end the year with my 4th graders which has all its own craziness. My parents have been great - making dinners, doing laundry, keeping the house picked up, running the girls around... but best of all, having them close by to be part of it all. I hope they sell their house in Ashland soon so they can move here full time.

My parents also took the girls for a visit with their Uncle Garen (my brother), Aunt Susan and their cousin Sam. They had story after story to tell about "Sam said this... then he did this... then he said this...." Don't they look related? --->

Now we are enjoying our summer break. Bailie and Nana are in Santa Cruz for a couple of days. Kate, Grandpa, Dan and I are going to an Ace's game on Friday night. After all the go, go, go, we are trying to accept some down time. This isn't always easy - the girls start to expect constant entertainment. I'm guessing we can get there though.... :-)

Trying to practice what I preach

So I post all those wonderful quotes from Pema Chodron then have an event happen that makes me realize how hard it is to practice what I preach. (Or what Chodron preaches! :-)) I was asked to write an article - I wrote it. Someone else edited it - A LOT - with out telling me and it was sent to print. Now the final article was fine - it just wasn't my article. At first I was furious. Then I realized it was just my ego that was pissed. Someone didn't think my article was good enough so it was changed. That's a blow to my ego for sure. There is the principle of the thing though, when I write for other publications, there are always edits, but the editors ALWAYS let me know they've made the edits so I'm not blind sided when I read the article.

Is any of this a big deal? Not really. It's just a lesson for me in what makes me angry and what's really worth getting angry about. After being mad and thinking of hundreds of inappropriate ways of showing my anger :-0, I'm now just letting it go. (at this moment anyway)

Overcoming self-deception

One more from Pema Chodron:
"The essence of bravery is being without self-deception. However it is not so easy to take a straight look at what we do. Seeing ourselves clearly is initially uncomfortable and embarrassing. As we train in clarity and steadfastness, we see things we'd prefer to deny- judgementalness, pettiness, arrogance. These are not sins but temporary and workable habits of mind. The more we get to know them, the more they lose their power. This is how we come to trust that our basic nature is utterly simple, free of struggle between good and bad. "

We can help this troubled world

Quote from Pema Chodron for today:
"We all have the inborn wisdom to create a wholesome, uplifted existence for ourselves and others. We can think beyond our own little cocoon and try to help this troubled world. Not only will our friends and family benefit, but even our 'enemies' will reap the blessings of peace. If these teachings make sense to us, can we commit to them? In these times, do we really have a choice? Do we have the options of living in unconscious self-absorption? When the stakes are high, do we have the luxury of dragging our feet?"

Just stop it already

I am guilty of this, so I'm not judging, but people need to lighten up! I know for my profession, a lot of this is the time of year. Everyone is stressed, the to-do lists are long, the students are ready for summer - it's just a crazy time. Everywhere I go lately, someone is angry about something - usually over here say. This makes me crazy! Arguments over how the 6th graders should graduate, over how they should dress for their swim party yada yada yada. Life is so short. Will these things matter a few years from now? (Even a few days from now?) Is it important for children to earn rewards or should they understand the intrinsic value of doing their best? Do we worry that 6th graders are showing too much skin and creating lust in prepubescent boys? Really?

I know I've done this - it's easier to get all riled up about these little things rather than deal with other issues. (or the lack of issues for those who love drama) We learn as parents to pick our battles - I think we need to learn that as human beings. What is worth getting really angry about - worth making phone calls, writing letters or complaining to anyone who will listen? I would think some things certainly are and the value of those things would vary from person to person - but sheesh! I guess I'm defeating my message getting so angry over other's anger. It's just so darned easy to get caught up - to ride the wave before you realize you're on the boat. My goal is to catch my self and get off the boat before it's too late....

If you feel it, Say it

The last few days were one when other people made me feel good. Now I know, we're supposed to feel good from the inside out - it doesn't matter what other people say. But let's face it - we're human and it matters. My recent weight loss has led to many compliments - which I most definitely enjoy - but we all know how short lived weight loss can be. :-) I've been skinny, I've been fat - I suspect I'll be both over and over through the years like I have been my whole life.

The moments that have made me feel good the last few days though, are the ones when people took the time to care, or to tell me the affect I've had on their life or their child's life. Everyone who knows me, knows I love to be the center of attention - I admit it. (Sometimes I wonder if that's why I manifested these hideous hives into my life - maybe they would go away if I stopped talking about them to anyone who will listen....) But, something goes much deeper when a person who doesn't know you well, or who doesn't need to take the time to share a thought - takes the time to say a kind word.

I try to do that with others - but the last few days have been a lesson to me. It doesn't matter if I know a person, or even if I'm a big fan of them, I'm going to take the time to share a positive thought or let them know the ways they have touched my life positively.

Great Mother's Day

What a wonderful day! My daughters made me this adorable video. They rapped, talked, filmed the animals and pretended to have them talk, put in pictures - it was incredibly sweet. Then we all went to the garden shops and got all our planting for our garden and a few other areas in the back yard. We spent all day planting - I can't wait to see what we get out of our expanded garden this year!

It has been incredibly warm the last couple days - YAY! No serious hives, just a few in the mornings and evenings. We went to our first Aces game yesterday. SO MUCH FUN! Very family oriented and just a great way to spend the afternoon.

Feeling like I got my Vitamin D this weekend with all the sun - finally!

Keep Going

My grandmother had a sign on her kitchen table (now it sits in my aunt's kitchen window) that if I remember correctly it said "Keep going" or "Keep moving" something like that. It was a reminder that no matter what is happening to just keep keeping on. I thought of that yesterday. I've been waiting for blood test results for over a week. The test was for a variety of things - the least of which was rheumatoid arthritis. (Which my grandmother was crippled with)
The worst of the possibilities was some sort of cancer with a very long name. Certainly I wanted the test to be negative, but I also wanted a reason for all my ailments. I finally got the call yesterday that the test was negative. I was relieved - then frustrated. I know spiritually speaking that I don't need to know what is causing this - I just need it to go away. I need to release it and be well. BUT, can I get better if it isn't discovered what's causing it?

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself - again - when I read Kristin's blog. I've written about her before, she's been battling cancer for over a year. Besides trying to regain her health and having to worry about every small ailment and what it might mean, she has girls in the hall at school making fun of her walk. (Her step has been affected by treatment) Once again, the universe has found a way to put things in perspective for me.

B has her first track meet of this year today - looking forward to it. K's team won yet another soccer game last weekend. This weekend they have two - looking forward to those as well.

Getting my hair cut today - thinking about a big change. I need to shake things up......

Weekend away

What a fabulous weekend! It was warm enough for me to hike (mostly warm enough, only few hives) and we talked, laughed, talked then laughed some more. We did a little shopping, had some great food - solved all the world's problems.... :-)

There are people in the world who enjoy more time alone than with people - I am not one of those people. While I do cherish having time to be alone and just be - the time I have with friends and family is more rewarding and fulfilling than I can describe. After a weekend with these amazing, brilliant and insightful women, I feel intellectually and spiritually stimulated.

I'm so lucky and grateful! Sometimes it takes this time away to remember how grateful I am for my family too. (And for the friends who were able to keep the girls for the weekend so I could do this and Dan could travel to a funeral.) My life is so full - my support system strong - as it says on my cabin wall, "Life is GOOD!"

Easter and all that

Home again. Had a great trip to Ashland, Ore. Enjoyed family and all the cute shops they have there. While away we learned our dog is an escape artist who kept our neighbors busy. Fortunately we have good neighbors who want to rescue him. I wanted to tell them to just call the pound! :-)

Saw these questions in a magazine - thought others may like them. They are questions to ask your mother (With Mother's Day approaching) -

1) What is the one thing you would have done differently as a mom?
2) Why did you choose to be with dad?
3) In what ways do you think I’m like you? And not like you?
4) Which one us kids did you like the best?
5) Is there anything you have always wanted to tell me but never have?
6) Do you think it’s easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising us?
7) Is there anything you regret not having asked YOUR parents?
8) What is the best thing I can do for you right now?
9) Is there anything you wish had been different between us – or that you would still like to change?
10) When did you realize that you were no longer a child?

I sent them to my mom - thought the answers would be interesting....

Off to the doctor - AGAIN - feeling discouraged about the hives. Trying to keep things in perspective....

Boston/Perspective/Respect

Just got back from Boston. I worked a program for my brother's company - Corporate Kids Events. We did a "Children's Camp" for the NTSAD conference. If you get a chance, check out their website - NTSAD.org. These families are dealing or have dealt with the loss of their children from Tay Sachs disease or one of the many allied diseases. Our camp was for the "healthy siblings" who showed me what true compassion is. They were all amazing kids who are dealing with issues children their age shouldn't know about. I came home with a renewed gratitude for my life - and a new respect for what parents of ill children deal with minute by minute.

Home and facing the reality of every day life. My to-do list is longer than my arm, checking it off one by one....

My older daughter turns 14 tomorrow. How did that happen so fast? Crazy!

Check this out

Okay - watched the funniest or saddest depending on your mood - but entertaining none-the-less. It's economy stuff with John Stewart. I found it on a blog I follow - so I'll give you the blog address:http://www.moneyandhappiness.com/blog/?p=162 The John Stewart/Daily Show video is there. Kind of long - but worth the watch....

Back to normal

We had a good weekend. Lots of "to dos" checked off the list, a dinner out with my husband, a fun afternoon with the girls.... I was a little cranky to start and Dan asked me why. I said I felt controlled lately - controlled by the girls' schedule, controlled by work, controlled by all the things needing to done around the house, controlled by my diet.....
He looked at me and said, "maybe you should be enjoying each moment more." I almost wet my pants laughing. He was right but how funny to have him point it out to me. It was just the reminder I needed - yet again.

I threw out all my larger pants today. Kind of fun - but scary too - that means I have to keep eating healthy..... It was a bad hive weekend, so I'm hoping the ceremonially tossing of the pants will keep me focused. :-)

It snowed, then it was sunny, it snowed again, then was sunny again - kind of a metaphor for life don't you think? (Is metaphor the right word? - You know what I mean!)

Well....

So the doctor now thinks that I'm under too much stress (who isn't?) and that the stress is stressing my kidneys which is stressing my liver which is causing an increase in my hives and skin sensitivity. He doesn't think I have a virus or any allergies - and he thinks my yeast levels are looking low. (He does all this with this machine and me holding something in my hand while he touches all the different pressure points.) I kind of had a feeling it was stress - it IS typical for hives to get worse when a person prone to them is under stress. BUT, it is also getting harder and harder to have faith that things are going to change.

I don't want to give up because I don't want to live with this for any longer than I already have. I also know that even though the hives aren't 100% better I feel so much better every where else. Like I've said before, I have more energy, my skin is better, overall just better. Sooo, for now I'll just keep plugging along and see what happens. I'm taking the new herbs for kidney and liver, sticking with my Threelac for yeast and staying on the healthy eating path.... I'm trying to be all organic now too, which I didn't start out with. It's hard because it isn't cheap, but I figure keeping any extra toxins out of my body can't hurt....Plus, my family if on board with most of it - so they are benefiting too.

Then I need to think about the stress part - I need to get back to meditating and finding some balance. It's tough worrying about money, taking care of your family, doing a good job at work, doing a good job with the things I volunteer for and then remembering to take time for me. Not that I'm not like 98% of women out there - how does everyone else find the balance? Is it just refusing to get stressed and doing it?

My friend Gretchen said to me yesterday, "I put it in perspective like this, if we all end up in a cramped apartment or trailer with out all the 'things' -we have our health and we have each other so what's the point in worrying." She's right and it's perspective of which I needed to be reminded. I forget that this stress is about "things." We have enough money to eat and clothe ourselves. We have enough to keep a roof over our heads. That's all we NEED. The wants will come again, I just hope when they do that I remember now and how much we really can live with out and still be perfectly happy.

On a less whiny note - today is pj day in my class -YAY! I'm wearing pj's and slippers, bringing a good book to read and sitting with my class and reading all morning! How can I complain? :-)