Thursday, July 24, 2008

Drama and Tears and Angst Oh My!

So I started this post yesterday then deleted it. I was afraid I would create more drama with it. Then I realized two things - first, hardly anyone reads this blog anyway :-) and 2nd, I created this blog as a place to communicate with family and friends. So, drama or no drama - here's what's going on.

First of all - super birthday surprises from my parents, children and husband. Fabulous gifts, loving poems - great food! My dad made my very favorite banana creme pie - yum! It was great to have my parents here for my birthday - I love my birthday and being the center of attention for the day. :-) Who better to create that for me than the two who are responsible for my birth? Dan has heard complaint after complaint each year because I set the bar very high for my birthday - poor guy. This year he really came through though! I don't think he can top asking me to marry him and finding out I was pregnant with our first child - but concert tickets came close! :-)

The drama, tears and angst came in the form of a hurtful, manipulative and unnecessary "birthday" phone call early in the day. I'm at a complete loss at how to handle this. My enlightened friends would tell me this is happening as a lesson for me - as a way to learn and grow. They would also tell me I somehow brought this into my life with my vibrations. I suppose the latter could be true - sort of a be careful what you wish for type situation. I like to be the center of attention on my birthday - next year I need to be more careful about how I vibrate that. :-) Those friends would also tell me I need to put my ego aside and handle it for that moment - not for all the moments before that this same person made me crazy. OY! I know this the way it should be handled. I need to focus on my own reactions - I can't control anything else.

However, the ego in me is strong today. I want to yell, scream, shout, defend myself and shoot below the belt to hurt back. This is all of course, what this person wants. More drama, more reason to call attention to her own need to feed her ego. I also need to consider how my reaction may affect my children and my husband. Is my ego's need more important than the possible fall out?

In the end, I know this blog will be as far as my venting goes. I won't become a punching bag and if the situation were to pass my way again - I will speak louder than I did this time. I will end the conversation and the drama. The reality is, as much as I love drama and being the center of attention - I want it in a way that makes me feel good inside and about who I am as a person, mother, wife, daughter, writer, teacher - human being.

I SOOOOOO appreciate the patience of any of you who read through this whole diatribe. Today is a new day - this too shall pass - and all that crap! :-) It could be worse right? It could be raining.......

2 comments:

Tricia said...

Sooo, what the hell happened?

and of course a big 'ol Happy Birthday to you!!!

Anonymous said...

Phew...
I started to sweat when I read your post, thinking I had said something dreadful when I called. It was so great to chat and catch up, I decided I probably didn't, but possibly could have?? Then I read the post on the 22nd...and realized I called to wish you happy birthday a day too early.
Glad I wasn't the clupret. Bad Karma for the one who was.
Glad you had such a great birthday.