Onward and Upward

So here's the good and the bad about blogging. The good is the opportunity to write and share. The bad is the pressure to keep it up. My parents have been here for two weeks and getting back into real life has been a struggle - so those are my excuses - accept them or don't. :-)

I have a pile of "to-do's" waiting for me on my desk. I got my work out in this morning with my Nazi trainer. Actually, that's not fair - he works me hard but he's extremely patient with my moaning and groaning. If he could just go home with me and keep me from eating - that's not too much to ask is it?

I have an article due for Family Pulse Magazine. I did tell them I was not longer going to write for them - but they asked me to do an essay from a teacher's perspective about my ideal parent of a student in my room. No research necessary for that - so it's doable for me. Of course, when I said yes, I had nothing else on my plate. The same day, two books arrived from Foreword Magazine with a request for me to write reviews. Okay - two writing projects, I can do that. Then last night I attend a production team meeting for the next Sierra School of Performing Art's sponsored - Broadway Bits. I already said no to being the production manager for this - I realized that with school starting and Dan's strong objection to the idea - it would be too much to handle. THANK GOODNESS I said no. Not because I wouldn't love working with my treasured friend Janet, but because it is a HUGE load of work. Just being on the committee, I now have a list of forms to produce that is longer than my arm and I need to call a school to set up rehearsal times. Not huge responsibilities in and of themselves, but with all the other things now being thrown my way - it feels like a lot.

That leads me to my problem with saying, "I'll do it." It sounds so cliche to have a problem with saying no, but often times I do. I know it is totally my ego. I feel so proud to be needed (ick!) and my ego explodes when I hear I'm the best one for the job. Am I a sucker or what? With working, the girls' schedules and my desperate need to have mandatory family time - there just isn't enough time in the day for me to keep saying yes. I keep hearing that I should add mediating into my life by doing it just one minute a day. Would it count if I did that while sitting on the toilet - because that may be my only opportunity after August 20th!

I had lots of emails about my post regarding my angst causing phone call on my birthday. I have no problem now saying the call was from my mother in law. The details aren't important and it was more about the proverbial straw breaking the proverbial camel's back than anything else. As it stands right now, I've kept my mouth shut. I heard a saying that when there starts to be a defense, it is the start of a war. I think that's true. Protecting myself is different than defending. I won't allow myself to be the brunt of anymore of her insane tantrums, but I also won't waste my time defending myself - she won't hear it and it will only add fuel to a fire that is down to a smolder. My children and husband are welcome and encouraged to have any relationship they choose to have with her - I am just no longer a part of that picture. For years I worried about being the bad daughter in-law - I'm over it! :-)

Alright, my "to do" list is still waiting. I'm looking forward to coffee with two friend this morning who feed my soul and who have been absent from my daily life for too many weeks. THEN, I will start on my list. :-)